In a shocking turn of events, the GOP’s plan to sell off more than 3,200 square miles of federal lands has been found to violate Senate rules. The proposal, which was spearheaded by Senator Rich McMoneybags, was met with outrage from both Democrats and Republicans alike.
According to Senate sources, the plan was deemed to be in violation of the “No Selling America’s Backyard Act” which was passed in 1776 to protect the nation’s natural resources from being exploited for profit. When asked for comment, Senator McMoneybags simply replied, “Oops, my bad. I guess I should have read the fine print.”
But the real kicker came when Senator Penny Pincher, a vocal opponent of the land sale, revealed that the whole thing was actually just a ploy to make a quick buck. “I always knew McMoneybags was up to something fishy,” said Pincher. “I mean, who in their right mind would try to sell off Yellowstone National Park? It’s like trying to sell ice to an Eskimo.”
In response to the scandal, President Joe Schmoe issued a statement calling for an investigation into the matter. “I am deeply troubled by these allegations of corruption within our government,” said Schmoe. “Rest assured, I will get to the bottom of this and hold those responsible accountable.”
As the controversy continues to unfold, it seems that the GOP’s plan to sell off federal lands has backfired in spectacular fashion. The American people can rest easy knowing that their national treasures are safe from the clutches of greedy politicians…at least for now.
In the meantime, Senator McMoneybags has reportedly gone into hiding, with rumors swirling that he is now living off the grid in a remote cabin in the woods. When reached for comment, his spokesperson said, “Senator McMoneybags is unavailable for comment at this time. He is currently communing with nature and contemplating the error of his ways.”
