In a move that has left many scratching their heads and others shaking in their boots, the GOP has introduced a bill that would grant President Trump the right to deploy the National Guard for immigration enforcement. Because nothing screams “immigration reform” like sending in the troops, right?
The bill, aptly named the “Trump Troopers Act,” would allow the President to use the National Guard to carry out immigration enforcement duties along the border. When asked about the bill, Senator Ted Cruz (or should we say “Ted Clueless”) had this to say: “This bill is a great idea. Who better to handle immigration than a bunch of guys with guns and tanks, am I right?”
But not everyone is on board with this questionable plan. Senator Bernie Sanders (or should we say “Bernie Sandals”) has spoken out against the bill, calling it “ridiculous” and “just plain silly.” When pressed for further comment, Sanders added, “I mean, come on. What’s next? Sending in the Boy Scouts to handle drug trafficking?”
As expected, President Trump himself has thrown his support behind the bill, stating, “I’ve always said that the best way to solve immigration issues is with brute force and a healthy dose of fear. And what better way to do that than with the National Guard?”
But the real kicker came when Vice President Mike Pence (or should we say “Mike Fence”) chimed in with his own thoughts on the matter. “I fully support this bill,” Pence said. “In fact, I’ve already started drafting plans to build a moat filled with alligators along the border. Because nothing says ‘secure border’ like a bunch of hungry reptiles.”
So there you have it, folks. The GOP is pulling out all the stops in their quest for immigration reform. Who needs comprehensive policy when you have tanks and alligators, right? Stay tuned for more updates on this developing story, and remember: satire is always the best medicine for political absurdity.
