Former Minnesota House Speaker Hortman to Lie in State as Suspect Heads to Court
In a shocking turn of events, former Minnesota House Speaker Hortman will be lying in state at the Capitol Rotunda as the suspect in her murder case heads to court. The news has left many in the political world scratching their heads and wondering just what kind of drama is unfolding in the Land of 10,000 Lakes.
The suspect, known only as Bob “The Faux Pas” Johnson, was arrested last week after allegedly being caught on camera attempting to sabotage Hortman’s car with a banana peel. When questioned by police, Johnson reportedly claimed that he was simply trying to help the former Speaker improve her driving skills.
In a statement released by his lawyer, Johnson insisted that he had no ill will towards Hortman and was merely trying to offer her some friendly advice. “I never meant to harm her, I just wanted to give her a little reminder to watch out for slippery road conditions,” Johnson said.
But Hortman’s family and colleagues are not convinced by Johnson’s explanation. “This is clearly a case of premeditated fruit-based violence,” said Senator Sally McSally. “We will not rest until justice is served for our dear friend and former Speaker.”
As Hortman’s body lies in state at the Capitol Rotunda, mourners are gathering to pay their respects and remember the legacy of the beloved politician. “She was a force to be reckoned with, both in politics and on the dance floor,” said one mourner, wiping away a tear. “She will be sorely missed.”
Meanwhile, Johnson is scheduled to appear in court later this week to face charges of attempted vehicular fruiticide. His lawyer maintains that he is innocent and will vigorously defend his client against the outlandish accusations.
As the bizarre saga continues to unfold, one thing is certain: Minnesota politics has never been more ripe for satire. Rest in peace, Former Speaker Hortman, and may your legacy live on in the annals of state history.
