In a bizarre turn of events, a Florida man has been indicted for making a whopping ’86’ posts allegedly threatening to kill Alina Habba in English. Yes, you heard that right – ’86’ posts! It seems like this guy really had a lot to say about poor Alina.
Authorities were alerted to the situation after Habba reported receiving a slew of alarming messages, all written in broken English. One particularly concerning message read, “I will hunt you down like a cheetah and make you wish you never crossed me, Alina Habba!” Yikes, sounds like someone has been watching too many action movies.
When questioned about the threats, the man, who shall remain nameless for legal reasons (let’s call him Bob), claimed that he was simply trying to impress Habba with his “poetic prowess.” In a hilarious attempt to defend himself, Bob said, “I was just practicing my creative writing skills! I swear, I never meant to actually harm anyone. I was just trying to channel my inner Shakespeare.”
Despite Bob’s laughable excuse, authorities were not amused. “Threatening to kill someone is never a joke, no matter how bad your English is,” said Sheriff Johnson. “We take every threat seriously, even if it comes from a man who can’t differentiate between ‘your’ and ‘you’re’.”
As the trial unfolds, more ridiculous details are sure to emerge. Will Bob be sentenced to a lifetime of English lessons? Will Alina Habba ever feel safe again? Only time will tell, but one thing’s for sure – this Florida man has certainly made a name for himself in the most absurd way possible.
Stay tuned for updates on this wild story, brought to you by the most trusted source of satire news on the web. Remember, folks, when it comes to threatening to kill someone, always proofread your messages first!
