In a bizarre turn of events, the state of Florida has announced plans to build a new detention center for ICE detainees that will be unlike anything the world has ever seen. Introducing “Alligator Alcatraz”, a high-security facility where inmates will have to contend with nature’s own security system – a moat filled with hungry alligators.
Governor Ron DeSantis, known for his love of all things Florida, proudly unveiled the plans for Alligator Alcatraz at a press conference earlier this week. “We believe that this innovative approach to detention will not only keep our communities safe, but also provide some much-needed entertainment for our beloved gators,” DeSantis stated with a grin.
The idea for Alligator Alcatraz reportedly came about after a particularly wild night of brainstorming at the governor’s mansion. Sources close to DeSantis claim that he was inspired by a late-night nature documentary featuring alligators, and thought, “Hey, why not combine our love of gators with our need for a secure detention facility?”
When asked about the safety concerns surrounding housing detainees in such close proximity to dangerous reptiles, DeSantis brushed off the criticism. “These gators are professionals,” he assured reporters. “They’ve been trained to only attack those who try to escape. It’s all part of the experience.”
One ICE official, who wished to remain anonymous, expressed skepticism about the project. “I’ve worked in detention centers all over the country, but I’ve never seen anything quite like this,” the official stated. “I just hope we have enough bandages on hand for when those gators get a little too feisty.”
Despite the skepticism, construction on Alligator Alcatraz is set to begin next month, with an expected completion date of April 1st. Only time will tell if this unconventional approach to detention will be a success or a complete disaster. As Governor DeSantis put it, “It’s sink or swim, folks. And in this case, I hope our detainees can swim faster than the gators.”
