In a shocking turn of events, experts are now confidently asserting that Iran’s once-feared nuclear program is officially “no longer” after a massive US strike obliterated it into oblivion. The strike, which reportedly involved a giant rubber duck catapulted into the heart of Tehran, has left Iran’s nuclear ambitions in shambles.
Dr. Hilarious McLaugherson, a renowned expert in international relations and rubber duck warfare, spoke to our reporters about the unprecedented success of the US strike. “I can say with absolute certainty that Iran’s nuclear program is toast,” Dr. McLaugherson declared. “The sheer power of that rubber duck was enough to send their centrifuges spinning out of control. It’s truly a quack-tastic victory for the US!”
Meanwhile, Iranian officials are reeling from the destruction of their prized nuclear facilities. Supreme Leader Ayatollah Khamenei was reportedly seen weeping uncontrollably as he surveyed the rubble. “This is a dark day for Iran,” Khamenei lamented. “I never thought a rubber duck could bring us to our knees. We have been defeated by bath time toys.”
Despite the devastation in Iran, President Joe Biden has hailed the US strike as a triumph of diplomacy and whimsical military tactics. “I always said that we would use every tool at our disposal to prevent Iran from developing nuclear weapons,” Biden stated. “And if that means launching giant rubber ducks at them, then so be it. We will not rest until every bathtub in the world is safe from nuclear threats.”
As the dust settles on Iran’s former nuclear program, the world is left to ponder the implications of this bizarre turn of events. Will other countries now turn to rubber ducks as a weapon of mass destruction? Only time will tell. But one thing is for certain: Iran’s nuclear program is “no longer,” thanks to the mighty power of the rubber duck.
