TALLAHASSEE, FL – In a shocking turn of events, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis has signed a slimmed-down state budget into law after vetoing millions of dollars in funding for various programs. The move has left many Floridians scratching their heads and wondering what exactly made the cut.
In a press conference following the signing, Governor DeSantis defended his decision, saying, “I had to make some tough choices, but ultimately I believe this budget reflects the priorities of the people of Florida.” When pressed for specifics on what exactly was cut, DeSantis simply replied, “Well, let’s just say the English language took a bit of a hit.”
One of the most surprising cuts in the budget was the elimination of funding for English classes in public schools. When asked about this decision, DeSantis quipped, “Who needs English when you’ve got emojis, am I right?”
Local school teacher, Ms. Smith, expressed her frustration with the budget cuts, saying, “I can’t believe they would cut funding for English classes. How are our students supposed to learn proper grammar and spelling now?” However, Governor DeSantis remained unfazed, saying, “Hey, as long as they can communicate with emojis, they’ll be just fine.”
In another surprising move, funding for the state’s beloved manatee protection program was also slashed. When asked about this decision, DeSantis joked, “I mean, come on, manatees can fend for themselves, right? They’re basically the sea cows of the ocean.”
Despite the uproar over the budget cuts, Governor DeSantis remains confident in his decision, stating, “I believe this budget will set Florida on the path to greatness. Who needs English or manatees when you’ve got sunshine and theme parks?”
As Floridians try to make sense of the slimmed-down budget, one thing is for certain – Governor DeSantis has certainly left his mark on the state. Love him or hate him, one thing is for sure – you can always count on Florida for some good old-fashioned political shenanigans.
