In a shocking turn of events, the Department of Justice (DOJ) has announced that they are on “high alert” for Iranian nationals living illegally in the US. This news comes straight from the mouth of none other than former Florida Attorney General, Pam Bondi, who is now serving as a special advisor to the DOJ.
In a press conference held earlier today, Bondi declared, “We have reason to believe that there are Iranian nationals living among us who are not here legally. We are taking this threat very seriously and are actively working to identify and apprehend these individuals.”
When asked how the DOJ plans to track down these elusive Iranians, Bondi responded with a twinkle in her eye, “We have a crack team of Iranian spy catchers on the case. They’re trained in the ancient art of kebab interrogation and can sniff out a falafel from a mile away.”
The news has sparked panic among the Iranian community in the US, with many taking to social media to express their fear and outrage. One Twitter user, going by the handle @HummusLover69, tweeted, “I can’t believe this is happening! I just wanted to live my life in peace and now I have to worry about being hunted down like a lamb kebab.”
But not everyone is taking the news seriously. One anonymous source, who we’ll call “Bob the Bumbling Buffoon”, had this to say, “I mean, come on! How are they going to find all these Iranians? It’s not like they’re all wearing turbans and shouting ‘Death to America’ in the streets.”
Only time will tell how this situation will unfold, but one thing is for sure – the DOJ is not messing around when it comes to finding those sneaky Iranian nationals. So, if you happen to be Iranian and living in the US illegally, you might want to start practicing your best kebab-making skills to prove your innocence.
