The Department of Homeland Security (DHS) has just released new guidance for members of Congress who want to visit ICE detention facilities, and let’s just say, it’s a doozy. In a move that has left many scratching their heads, DHS is now requiring all lawmakers to wear clown costumes during their visits.
According to DHS spokesperson, Agent Bob McFunny, the decision was made to “add a bit of levity to an otherwise serious situation.” When asked about the reasoning behind the new dress code, Agent McFunny responded with, “Well, we figured if Congress is going to act like a circus, they might as well look the part too.”
Not everyone is thrilled with the new guidance, however. Senator Jane Seriouspants expressed her outrage, stating, “This is a blatant attempt to mock and belittle us lawmakers. We demand to be taken seriously!” In response, Agent McFunny simply shrugged and said, “Hey, if the shoe fits…”
In addition to the clown costumes, DHS is also requiring lawmakers to perform a stand-up comedy routine before entering the facilities. Senator Bob Jokester was quoted as saying, “I never knew my time on the Senate floor would prepare me for a career in comedy, but here I am, cracking jokes for ICE detainees.”
But the fun doesn’t stop there. DHS has also implemented a new policy where lawmakers must bring a gift for each detainee they visit. Senator Sarah Sillysocks was seen handing out rubber chickens and whoopee cushions to the detainees, much to their confusion.
Overall, the new guidance has left many wondering what exactly is going on at DHS. But one thing is for certain, if you’re a member of Congress looking to visit an ICE detention facility, make sure to pack your red nose and oversized shoes. Who knows, you might just get a standing ovation from the detainees.
