California Energy Regulator: Let’s Not Hurt Big Oil’s Feelings With Excess Profits Penalties

In a shocking turn of events, the California energy regulator has recommended a pause on the plan to penalize excess oil profits. This decision has left many scratching their heads, wondering if the regulator has been hitting the oil pipe a little too hard.

When asked for a statement, the regulator, who we will call “Reggie the Regulator”, said, “We believe that punishing oil companies for making too much money is just not fair. After all, who doesn’t love a good old-fashioned oil baron rolling in profits like Scrooge McDuck in his money bin?”

This statement has sparked outrage among environmentalists and concerned citizens alike. One citizen, who we will call “Sally the Sassy Activist”, said, “This is ridiculous! We need to hold these oil companies accountable for their greed and environmental destruction. If they’re making excessive profits, they should be forced to donate it all to planting trees or something!”

But not everyone is unhappy with the regulator’s decision. One oil executive, who we will call “Barry the Bigwig”, said, “I couldn’t be happier with this decision. I was starting to worry that I might have to cut back on my daily caviar and champagne lunches. Now I can continue living my lavish lifestyle without any pesky penalties getting in the way.”

It seems that for now, the oil companies will continue to rake in the big bucks without any consequences. But who knows what the future holds? Maybe Reggie the Regulator will come to his senses and realize that excessive oil profits are no laughing matter. Until then, the oil barons will continue to swim in their pools of black gold, laughing all the way to the bank.

scroll to top