In a shocking turn of events, former President Biden is facing a slew of investigations that are sending shockwaves through the political world. From allegations of corruption to shady deals with foreign governments, it seems like Uncle Joe just can’t catch a break.
One of the most explosive investigations comes from the Department of Justice, who are looking into Biden’s ties to a mysterious company called “Ukrainian Delights Inc.” According to sources close to the investigation, Biden allegedly received kickbacks in the form of delicious borscht and pierogies in exchange for political favors. When reached for comment, Biden’s lawyer, Ima Shady, denied any wrongdoing, stating, “My client is innocent and just really loves Ukrainian cuisine.”
But that’s not all – the IRS is also on Biden’s tail, investigating his tax returns for any signs of financial shadiness. One anonymous source within the agency told us, “We found some questionable deductions for hair plugs and aviator sunglasses. It’s like he thinks he’s in a ’70s cop show or something.”
And let’s not forget about the FBI, who are reportedly looking into Biden’s habit of falling asleep during important meetings. One agent, Agent Zzz, quipped, “We’re concerned that he may be leaking classified information in his dreams. We can’t have national security compromised by someone’s naptime.”
As the investigations pile up, Biden is starting to feel the pressure. In a recent press conference, he tearfully declared, “I swear on my collection of vintage record players that I am innocent of all charges. I may be a bit forgetful at times, but I would never do anything to harm this great nation…now, where did I put my dentures?”
With each passing day, it seems like the walls are closing in on Biden. Will he be able to clear his name and restore his reputation, or will he be forever known as the President who just couldn’t keep it together? Only time will tell, but one thing’s for sure – this Biden breakdown is one for the history books.
