In a surprising turn of events, Republican Senator John Thune has taken on the Herculean task of herding cats… I mean, rallying his fellow Republicans behind President Trump’s legislative agenda. In an exclusive interview with our team at The Onion-esque News, Thune detailed his strategy for getting his party in line with the Commander-in-Tweet’s vision.
“It’s like trying to teach a toddler how to walk,” Thune mused, sipping on his coffee. “Sometimes you just have to take baby steps… or in this case, baby tweets.”
Thune shared with us his plan to hold weekly support group meetings for his GOP colleagues, aptly named “Trump’s Troublesome Tots”. The meetings reportedly feature team-building exercises such as “Pin the Tail on the Democrat” and “Pass the Blame Hot Potato”.
When asked about the challenges he faces in getting everyone on board, Thune chuckled, “Well, you know how it is with politicians… it’s like herding cats with a laser pointer. But hey, at least Trump’s tweets make for good entertainment during those long Senate sessions.”
One anonymous Republican lawmaker, who we’ll call Bob McBobface, quipped, “I used to think I was a big shot in Washington, but now I feel like I’m just a glorified babysitter for the President. But hey, at least I get to ride the White House merry-go-round for free.”
Thune also revealed his secret weapon in winning over his hesitant colleagues – a playlist of Trump’s greatest hits, including classics such as “Fake News Blues” and “Build That Wall (Around My Heart)”. “Nothing gets a Republican’s blood pumping like a good ol’ Trump tune,” Thune explained with a wink.
As Thune continues his uphill battle to corral the GOP behind Trump’s legislative vision, one thing is for sure – it’s going to be a wild ride. And who knows, maybe with a few more baby steps, they’ll finally learn to walk… or at least, tweet.
