In a shocking turn of events, the state of Alabama has been found guilty of violating the constitutional rights of a man sentenced to death. The court ruled in favor of the plaintiff, Joe Schmoe, who has been on death row for the past ten years for a crime he may or may not have committed.
According to the court documents, it was revealed that Mr. Schmoe was denied access to a lawyer during his trial, a clear violation of his Sixth Amendment rights. The state of Alabama tried to argue that they simply couldn’t find a lawyer willing to take on Mr. Schmoe’s case, but the court wasn’t buying it.
In a statement to the press, Mr. Schmoe’s lawyer, Bob Loblaw, said, “This is a clear case of government overreach. The state of Alabama thought they could just steamroll over Mr. Schmoe’s rights, but they were sorely mistaken. Justice has finally been served.”
The state of Alabama has been ordered to grant Mr. Schmoe a new trial, much to the dismay of Governor Kay Ivey. In a press conference, Governor Ivey exclaimed, “This is an outrage! Joe Schmoe is a menace to society and he deserves to rot in jail for the rest of his days. Alabama will not stand for this blatant disregard for the law.”
But the real kicker came when it was revealed that the state of Alabama had actually lost all of the evidence in Mr. Schmoe’s case. When asked for comment, the state’s attorney, Sue Perb, sheepishly admitted, “Oops! It looks like we may have misplaced a few key pieces of evidence. But hey, who needs evidence when you have a gut feeling, am I right?”
As Mr. Schmoe awaits his new trial, he can rest easy knowing that justice is finally on his side. And who knows, maybe this time around, the state of Alabama will actually do their job properly. But hey, we won’t hold our breath.
