**Ishiba Advocates for Investment Over Tariffs Following Trump Call Ahead of Third Round of Talks: A Comedy of Errors**
In a shocking turn of events that has left economists scratching their heads and comedians rolling on the floor, Japanese politician Shigeru Ishiba has boldly declared that investment is far superior to tariffs. This revelation came after a phone call with former President Donald Trump, who reportedly suggested that Ishiba should “just slap a tariff on it and call it a day.”
“I told Trump that tariffs are like putting a Band-Aid on a broken leg,” Ishiba said, while simultaneously trying to figure out how to pronounce “tariff” correctly. “We need to invest in our future, not just throw a bunch of taxes at it like it’s a piñata at a birthday party.”
In a bizarre twist, Ishiba’s call with Trump was interrupted by a cat video that Trump insisted on watching. “I was trying to explain the importance of foreign investment, but all he could say was, ‘Look at that cat! It’s like a tiny furry tariff!’” Ishiba lamented.
Meanwhile, economic analyst and self-proclaimed “Tariff Whisperer” Bob McBargain chimed in, “Ishiba’s right! Tariffs are like that one friend who always shows up to the party uninvited and eats all the chips. We need to invest in our relationships, not just our snack supplies!”
As the third round of talks approaches, Ishiba is reportedly preparing a PowerPoint presentation titled “Investing: The New Black,” complete with glitter graphics and a soundtrack of motivational cat videos. “If we can’t convince them with logic, we’ll dazzle them with glitter!” he exclaimed.
In the end, it seems that while tariffs may be a hot topic, investment is the real star of the show. And if all else fails, Ishiba is ready to unleash his secret weapon: a cat in a business suit. Because who can resist a feline in formal wear?
