**EPA Administrator Zeldin Expresses Heartbreak Over Shooting of Israel Embassy Staffer He Recently Met: “I Thought We Were Just Going to Share a Falafel!”**
In a shocking turn of events that has left the nation reeling, EPA Administrator Lee Zeldin expressed profound heartbreak over the recent shooting of an Israel Embassy staffer he had met just days prior. “I thought we were just going to share a falafel and talk about the environment,” Zeldin lamented, wiping away a single tear with a biodegradable napkin. “Now I’m left wondering if I should have brought hummus instead.”
The staffer, who was reportedly shot while trying to explain the intricacies of Israeli recycling programs, was described by Zeldin as “the most passionate person I’ve ever met about composting.” Witnesses say the staffer was in the middle of a passionate monologue about the benefits of solar energy when the incident occurred. “He was really on a roll,” said local falafel vendor, Shlomo “The Chickpea” Cohen. “I thought he was going to save the world right there!”
In a bizarre twist, Zeldin announced plans to honor the staffer by launching a new initiative called “Falafel for Peace,” which aims to distribute free falafel to anyone who can recite the entire EPA mission statement backwards. “It’s a win-win,” Zeldin declared. “We promote environmental awareness and delicious snacks at the same time!”
Meanwhile, the shooting has sparked a wave of support from the community, with many locals rallying around the cause. “I’ve never been so inspired to eat falafel in my life,” said local resident and self-proclaimed environmentalist, Greta Greenbean. “If we can’t save the world with chickpeas, what’s the point?”
As the investigation continues, Zeldin remains hopeful. “I just want to remind everyone that even in the darkest times, we can always find light… or at least a good tahini sauce.”
