**Security Incident Occurs Near CIA Headquarters: Spies, Lies, and a Very Confused Squirrel**
In a shocking turn of events, a security incident erupted near CIA Headquarters yesterday, leaving agents scratching their heads and a local squirrel named Nutty McNutface in a state of utter confusion. Witnesses reported that a mysterious package was found just outside the gates, prompting a full-scale investigation that involved more agents than a Hollywood blockbuster.
“I thought it was just a really big burrito,” said local hot dog vendor Frank “The Weiner” Johnson, who was on the scene selling his famous ‘CIA Dogs’ when the chaos unfolded. “I mean, who doesn’t love a burrito? But then I saw the agents and thought, ‘This is not the lunch break I signed up for!’”
The package, which turned out to be a forgotten lunchbox filled with expired sandwiches and a half-eaten apple, was quickly deemed safe. However, the incident raised eyebrows among the agency’s top brass. “We take security very seriously,” said CIA Director William “Bill” Spymore. “But if we can’t even keep track of our lunch, how can we expect to keep track of international espionage?”
Nutty McNutface, the squirrel who was initially blamed for the incident, was later exonerated after it was revealed he was merely trying to steal a granola bar from the lunchbox. “I was just doing my job,” Nutty stated through his lawyer, a particularly savvy raccoon named Rocky. “I mean, have you seen the price of nuts these days?”
As the dust settled, the CIA announced plans to implement new security measures, including mandatory lunchbox checks and a squirrel-proof fence. “We can’t let this happen again,” Spymore added, shaking his head. “Next time, it could be a whole pizza. And we all know how dangerous that can be.”
In the end, the only casualty of the day was a slightly bruised ego and a very full squirrel. Nutty has since been awarded a medal for bravery, while the CIA is left to ponder the real question: Who really let the burrito out?
