**Powerball Winning Numbers Announced for Wednesday: Local Man Claims He Knew It All Along**
In a shocking turn of events, the Powerball winning numbers for Wednesday have been announced, and local resident Bob “I Knew It” Johnson is claiming he predicted them while eating a bowl of cereal. “I was just sitting there, spooning my Frosted Flakes, when it hit me,” said Johnson, who has never won anything more than a participation trophy in his life. “I thought, ‘What if I just *knew* the numbers?’ And then, boom! 7, 14, 21, 28, 35, and 42 popped into my head like a divine intervention from the cereal gods.”
Experts are baffled by Johnson’s sudden clairvoyance, especially since he also claimed to have predicted the last three Super Bowl winners, all of whom were actually teams that didn’t even make the playoffs. “It’s a gift,” he said, shrugging off the skeptics. “I’m basically a lottery prophet.”
Meanwhile, lottery officials are urging players to remain calm and not to panic-buy tickets. “We’ve seen this before,” said Powerball spokesperson Linda “Not a Psychic” Thompson. “Every time the jackpot gets high, someone claims they can predict the numbers. Last week, a guy named Gary ‘The Oracle’ Smith tried to sell us his ‘number-guessing’ app, which turned out to be just a random number generator.”
As the frenzy continues, local businesses are cashing in on the excitement. “We’ve got Powerball-themed donuts, Powerball-themed coffee, and even Powerball-themed yoga classes,” said local entrepreneur and self-proclaimed lottery expert, Crystal “I’m Just Here for the Free Samples” Green. “I mean, if you can’t win the lottery, at least you can eat your feelings.”
So, as the nation holds its breath for the next drawing, remember: if you don’t win, just blame it on the cereal. After all, it’s not the numbers that matter; it’s the delusion of grandeur that keeps us all going.
