**Indianapolis Colts Owner Jim Irsay Passes Away at 65: Fans Left Wondering Who Will Now Own the World’s Largest Collection of Vintage Guitars and Regrets**
In a shocking turn of events, Indianapolis Colts owner Jim Irsay has reportedly passed away at the age of 65, leaving behind a legacy of questionable decisions, a treasure trove of vintage guitars, and a fanbase that is now collectively Googling “How to buy an NFL team.”
Irsay, known for his eccentric personality and love of rock music, was last seen jamming with a life-sized cardboard cutout of Elvis Presley while discussing the merits of drafting a punter in the first round. “He always said he wanted to go out with a bang, but I didn’t think he meant literally,” said Colts mascot Blue, who was last seen trying to console a group of confused horses outside Lucas Oil Stadium.
In a heartfelt statement, former Colts quarterback Peyton Manning said, “Jim was like a father to me, if that father was a guy who once tried to trade me for a bag of Doritos and a used harmonica.”
Fans are now left wondering who will take over the team. Rumors are swirling that Irsay’s pet parrot, Captain Squawk, is next in line. “He’s got a great eye for talent,” said Colts fan and amateur fortune teller, Linda “The Oracle” McGee. “Plus, he can squawk ‘Touchdown!’ like nobody’s business.”
As the Colts prepare for a future without their beloved owner, one thing is certain: the team will continue to be a source of entertainment, whether it’s on the field or in the bizarre world of Irsay’s legacy. In the words of Irsay himself, “Life is like a football game—sometimes you just have to throw caution to the wind and hope for a Hail Mary.”
Rest in peace, Jim. May your guitars forever rock in the great beyond, and may your questionable trades haunt the Colts for generations to come.
