**Tom Homan Praises ‘Big Beautiful Bill’ as Key to Strengthening Border Success**
In a stunning turn of events that has left political analysts scratching their heads and comedians rolling on the floor, former ICE Director Tom Homan has come out swinging in favor of what he affectionately calls the “Big Beautiful Bill.” This legislative masterpiece, which he claims is the “Mona Lisa of immigration reform,” is said to be the key to strengthening border success—whatever that means.
“Listen, folks,” Homan declared at a press conference held in front of a giant inflatable taco, “this bill is so beautiful, it makes the Grand Canyon look like a pothole! It’s got everything: walls, doors, and even a secret passageway for my cat, Mr. Whiskers. He’s been trying to sneak into Canada for years!”
The “Big Beautiful Bill” reportedly includes provisions for a 50-foot wall made entirely of gold-plated nachos, a moat filled with guacamole, and a border patrol team comprised of trained squirrels. “Squirrels are the future of border security,” Homan insisted. “They’re fast, they’re sneaky, and they can carry tiny little walkie-talkies!”
Critics, however, are not convinced. “This bill is about as useful as a screen door on a submarine,” said local taco enthusiast and self-proclaimed border expert, Juan Quesadilla. “I mean, who’s going to pay for all that cheese?”
Despite the skepticism, Homan remains optimistic. “If we can get this bill passed, I’ll personally throw a fiesta at the border. We’ll have piñatas, mariachi bands, and a taco-eating contest that will go down in history!”
As the nation waits with bated breath for the fate of the “Big Beautiful Bill,” one thing is clear: if nothing else, it’s sure to be a nacho average legislative session.
