**Texas Physician Receives 10-Year Sentence in Landmark Patient Harm Case: “I Thought It Was a New Diet Plan!”**
In a shocking turn of events that has left the medical community scratching its collective head, Dr. Hank “The Hand” McGraw, a Texas physician known for his questionable medical practices and even more questionable fashion choices, has been sentenced to ten years in prison for what authorities are calling a “landmark patient harm case.”
The case, which has been dubbed “Operation: Oopsie Daisy,” came to light when patients began reporting symptoms that included spontaneous dancing, uncontrollable laughter, and an overwhelming desire to wear cowboy boots with everything. “I thought it was a new diet plan,” said one bewildered patient, who wished to remain anonymous but was last seen attempting to two-step out of the courtroom.
Dr. McGraw, who once claimed to have a PhD in “Alternative Medicine” from the University of Google, defended his practices by stating, “I was just trying to help people find their inner cowpoke! Who doesn’t want to be a little more Texan?” His defense attorney, Sally “The Sassy” Jenkins, argued that the doctor’s methods were simply “too advanced for the average patient.”
In a bizarre twist, the judge presiding over the case, Judge Roy “The Ruler” Rogers, reportedly said, “I’ve seen some wild things in my courtroom, but this takes the cake. Or should I say, the brisket?”
As Dr. McGraw prepares for his new life behind bars, he remains optimistic. “I hear the prison food is to die for! I’ll just tell everyone I’m on a ‘meat and potatoes’ diet,” he quipped, while being led away in handcuffs.
In the meantime, the Texas Medical Board has issued a statement urging patients to “please consult a real doctor” and to avoid any medical advice that comes with a side of BBQ sauce.
