**Fugitive Bank Robbery Suspect Extradited to the US After Years in Hiding in Ukraine: “I Thought I Was Just on a Really Long Vacation!”**
In a plot twist that could only be scripted by a Hollywood screenwriter with a penchant for absurdity, notorious bank robbery suspect Larry “The Lizard” Lichtenstein has been extradited to the United States after spending five years hiding in Ukraine. Sources say Lichtenstein was living the high life, reportedly running a successful borscht stand while evading authorities. “I thought I was just on a really long vacation!” he exclaimed upon his return, still wearing a traditional Ukrainian vyshyvanka and a sunburn that could only be described as “lobster chic.”
Lichtenstein, who allegedly made off with $2 million in a heist that involved a rubber chicken and a very confused mime, was apprehended after a tip-off from a local babushka who recognized him from a wanted poster. “I thought he was just a really bad magician,” she said, shaking her head. “But then I saw him trying to pull a rabbit out of a hat, and it was just a loaf of bread. That’s when I knew something was off.”
Upon his arrival in the U.S., Lichtenstein was greeted by a throng of reporters. “I’m just happy to be back in the land of the free!” he declared, before adding, “And by ‘free,’ I mean free to go to jail.” His lawyer, a man named Chuck “The Briefcase” McGraw, assured the press that they had a “rock-solid defense” involving a claim that Lichtenstein was merely “borrowing” the money for a “really cool art project.”
As Lichtenstein prepares for trial, he remains optimistic. “I’m just excited to see what the American justice system has in store for me. I hear the food is great!” he quipped, while eyeing a nearby hot dog stand. “I’ll take a footlong, please—on the house, right?”
Stay tuned as this story develops, and remember: if you’re going to rob a bank, maybe don’t take a vacation in a country known for its delicious food and friendly babushkas!
