**White House Calls for Swift Action on GOP’s ‘Big, Beautiful Bill’ – Experts Say It’s Just a Really Fancy Napkin**
In a stunning turn of events, the White House has issued a call for “swift action” on the GOP’s newly unveiled “Big, Beautiful Bill,” which experts are now saying is actually just a really fancy napkin with doodles of unicorns and rainbows.
Press Secretary Jen Psaki, while juggling three cups of coffee and a rubber chicken, stated, “We need to act fast! This bill is so big and beautiful that it could probably win a beauty pageant. I mean, have you seen the font? It’s like Comic Sans but with a touch of elegance!”
Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, who was last seen trying to convince a group of turtles to endorse the bill, claimed, “This bill is a game-changer. It’s like the Mona Lisa of legislation, if the Mona Lisa were made of glitter and had a side of fries.”
Meanwhile, House Speaker Kevin McCarthy was overheard saying, “This bill is so beautiful, it makes my heart sing! Or maybe that’s just the burrito I had for lunch. Either way, we need to pass it before it gets cold!”
Critics, however, are skeptical. “I’ve seen more substance in a bag of potato chips,” said political analyst and potato chip enthusiast, Chip McCrisp. “If they really want to impress us, they should include a section on how to make guacamole.”
As the nation waits with bated breath (and a side of guac), one thing is clear: the GOP’s “Big, Beautiful Bill” is shaping up to be the most entertaining piece of legislation since Congress tried to pass a law requiring all senators to wear clown shoes on Fridays.
Stay tuned for updates, and remember: if it’s big, beautiful, and covered in glitter, it’s probably just a napkin.
