**Trump Imposes Sanctions on High-Ranking Members of Violent Mexican Drug Gang: “They’re Just So Bad at Business!”**
In a move that has left political analysts scratching their heads and drug lords rolling on the floor laughing, former President Donald Trump has announced sanctions against high-ranking members of the notorious Los Churros drug gang. “These guys are just terrible at business,” Trump declared in a press conference held at his Mar-a-Lago golf course, where he was reportedly trying to sell churros to unsuspecting tourists. “I mean, who names their gang after a pastry? It’s like calling yourself the ‘Bakers of Doom’!”
The sanctions, which include a ban on all churro-related products and a strict limit on the number of sombreros one can wear at a time, have been met with mixed reactions. “I thought we were supposed to be building walls, not banning snacks!” exclaimed local taco vendor Juan “El Taco” Rodriguez. “What’s next? Sanctions on guacamole?”
In a bizarre twist, Trump also claimed that he had personally spoken to the gang’s leader, “El Jefe de Churros,” who he said was “very nice” but “just needs to get his act together.” “I told him, ‘You can’t just sell drugs and churros at the same time. Pick a lane!’” Trump added, gesturing wildly with a churro in hand.
Meanwhile, El Jefe de Churros responded via a poorly translated tweet: “We are not afraid of sanctions! We will continue to make the best churros in Mexico, with or without Trump’s approval!” He then added a series of emojis that left many wondering if he was actually just trying to order pizza.
As the sanctions take effect, experts predict a rise in churro-related black market activity. “I can see it now,” said taco vendor Juan. “Churros will be the new Bitcoin. Everyone will want them, and they’ll be trading them for tacos on the streets!”
In the end, one thing is clear: when it comes to international diplomacy, Trump’s strategy is as sweet as a churro and just as sticky.
