**How to Protect Yourself from the Highly Contagious Measles: A Comprehensive Guide for the Overly Cautious**
In a world where the measles virus is making a comeback like a bad 90s sitcom, it’s time to take action! Here’s your foolproof guide to dodging this highly contagious disease while keeping your sense of humor intact.
**1. Invest in a Bubble Suit**
Why risk exposure when you can float through life in a stylish bubble suit? “I wear mine everywhere,” says local fashionista and self-proclaimed germaphobe, Linda “Bubble Wrap” Johnson. “It’s like being in a personal space pod, and I can finally avoid awkward small talk!” Just be careful in doorways; they’re the real enemy.
**2. Become a Social Hermit**
Embrace your inner hermit! “I haven’t left my house in three years,” claims Gary “Couch Potato” Thompson. “I’ve trained my cat to bring me snacks, and I’ve never felt healthier!” Just remember, if you do venture out, wear sunglasses and a trench coat to maintain your mysterious aura.
**3. Start a Measles Support Group**
Gather your friends and form a support group for those who are terrified of measles. “We meet every Tuesday to discuss our fears and eat gluten-free, dairy-free, air-free snacks,” says self-help guru and part-time llama whisperer, Dr. Felicity Fumblebottom. “It’s therapeutic, and we’ve all agreed to never leave the basement.”
**4. Create a Measles Dance**
Why not turn your fear into a viral dance? “I call it the ‘Measles Shuffle,’” says TikTok star and aspiring epidemiologist, Chad “Vaccine Vibes” McGee. “It involves a lot of jumping away from imaginary germs and flailing your arms like you’re trying to swat a mosquito. It’s a hit!”
**5. Stockpile Toilet Paper**
In these uncertain times, toilet paper is the new gold. “I’ve got enough to last me through the next apocalypse,” boasts survivalist and conspiracy theorist, Bob “Wipe It Clean” Jenkins. “If measles doesn’t get me, at least I’ll be the cleanest person in the graveyard!”
In conclusion, while the measles virus may be contagious, your sense of humor doesn’t have to be. So suit up, stay indoors, and remember: laughter is the best medicine—unless you’re actually sick, in which case, please consult a real doctor.
