**DOJ Drops Biden-Era Civil Rights Cases Against Two City Police Departments: “We Just Wanted to Give Them a Break!”**
In a shocking turn of events that has left the nation scratching its collective head, the Department of Justice (DOJ) announced it will be dropping civil rights cases against two city police departments that were initiated during the Biden administration. Sources say the decision was made after a lengthy meeting where officials reportedly “ran out of snacks” and decided it was time to “let bygones be bygones.”
Attorney General Merrick Garland, in a statement that was equal parts baffling and hilarious, said, “We realized that pursuing these cases was like trying to teach a cat to fetch. It’s just not going to happen. Plus, we figured the police could use a little break. They’ve been working hard, and who doesn’t love a good vacation?”
Local police chief, Officer Chuck “The Enforcer” McGuffin, expressed his relief, stating, “We were worried we’d have to start following the law or something. Now we can go back to our favorite pastime: chasing down ice cream trucks and pretending to be on a high-speed chase!”
Meanwhile, community activist and self-proclaimed “Chief of Complaints,” Linda “The Loud” Johnson, was less than thrilled. “This is like giving a kid a cookie after they just threw a tantrum. What’s next? A ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ card for bad behavior?” she exclaimed while holding a sign that read, “No Justice, No Cookies!”
In a surprising twist, the DOJ also announced plans to host a “Police Appreciation Day” where officers can enjoy free donuts and a complimentary “How to Avoid Accountability” workshop. “We just want to foster a positive relationship,” said Garland, “and what better way than with pastries and questionable ethics?”
As the nation watches this unfolding saga, one thing is clear: the DOJ is committed to keeping things light and fluffy—just like the donuts they’ll be serving. Stay tuned for more updates, or as we like to say, “Don’t worry, be happy… and maybe just a little bit law-abiding!”
