**Houser Shines in Major League Comeback as White Sox Edge Mariners 1-0: A Game for the Ages!**
In a thrilling showdown that will go down in the annals of baseball history—or at least in the back pages of the local newspaper—the Chicago White Sox narrowly defeated the Seattle Mariners 1-0, thanks to the miraculous return of pitcher Brad “The House” Houser. After a two-year hiatus spent perfecting his skills in the art of competitive napping, Houser emerged from the dugout like a phoenix rising from the ashes, or more accurately, like a guy who just woke up from a really long nap.
“I thought I was dreaming when I saw him on the mound,” said White Sox fan and self-proclaimed baseball expert, Larry “The Legend” McGillicuddy. “I mean, I’ve seen better pitching from my grandma’s bowling team!”
Houser’s performance was nothing short of legendary. He struck out 12 batters, walked none, and somehow managed to throw a perfect game while simultaneously ordering a pizza through his smartwatch. “I was just trying to focus on the game,” Houser said, “but the pepperoni was calling my name!”
The only run of the game came from a wild pitch that accidentally hit Mariners’ catcher, Gary “The Giraffe” Gibbons, who was so startled he dropped his glove and ran to first base. “I thought it was a foul ball,” Gibbons explained. “Turns out it was just my dignity flying away.”
As the game concluded, Houser was showered with Gatorade, pizza slices, and unsolicited advice from the stands. “I’m just glad I didn’t trip over my own shoelaces,” he said, wiping pizza sauce from his brow. “That would have been embarrassing.”
In a post-game interview, White Sox manager Tony “The Tactician” Tacterson declared, “This win is a testament to hard work, dedication, and the power of napping. If you’re not napping, you’re not winning!”
As the White Sox celebrate their improbable victory, fans are left wondering: will Houser’s next appearance be in the World Series or on a late-night infomercial for sleep aids? Only time will tell, but one thing is for sure—this game will be remembered as the day Houser turned the tide, one nap at a time.
