In a shocking turn of events, the International Society of Introverts (ISI) has announced they will host a press conference tomorrow. Yes, you read that correctly. A press conference. But don’t get too excited, because the entire event is expected to be just one long, awkward silence.
Greg Mumbleton | ISI President
“We’re not really sure how this is going to work,” said ISI president Greg Mumbleton, who communicated his thoughts via a note passed under the door. “But we felt it was time to let people know we exist… even if we wish they didn’t.”
The press conference will take place in a tiny, dimly lit room, where reporters are encouraged to sit as far apart from each other as possible. Mumbleton clarified that “all questions should be submitted in writing, preferably via post. Email is too invasive.”
“We don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable,” said Jane, a member of the group, who has already confirmed she will not be attending. “If I make eye contact with someone, it’s basically a lifetime commitment.”
Though the press is expected to gather, no actual comments are likely to be made. Instead, attendees are invited to silently contemplate the absurdity of the situation—preferably with a comforting blanket.
The event is scheduled for 2 p.m. on Wednesday, but please don’t expect anyone to show up on time.
