**US States Take Action: New Laws on Cellphone Use in Schools**
In a groundbreaking move that has left educators and students alike scratching their heads, several US states have enacted new laws regulating cellphone use in schools. The laws, which range from the absurd to the downright hilarious, aim to combat the epidemic of students texting during class—because clearly, the real problem is not the curriculum, but the fact that kids can’t resist sending memes to each other.
In California, Governor Gavin Newsom announced the “No Texting While Learning” law, which mandates that all students must wear “cellphone blindfolds” during class hours. “We want to ensure that students are focused on their education, not on their TikTok followers,” Newsom declared, while simultaneously posting a TikTok of himself doing the latest dance challenge.
Meanwhile, in Texas, lawmakers have taken a more aggressive approach. The “Cellphone Rodeo” law allows teachers to lasso any student caught texting in class. “We figured if they’re gonna be distracted, they might as well have some fun,” said State Representative Buck “The Textinator” McGraw. “Plus, it’s a great way to teach them about the importance of rope skills!”
In Florida, the “No Phone Zone” law has taken a unique twist. Students are now required to place their phones in a “cellphone jail” at the start of each day. “It’s like a real prison, but for phones,” said Principal Marge “The Warden” Thompson. “We even have a guard dog named Barkley who sniffs out any contraband devices. He’s a real hit with the kids—until they realize he’s just a golden retriever who wants treats.”
Critics of the laws argue that they are overly restrictive and may lead to a rebellion among students. “Next thing you know, they’ll be smuggling phones in their lunchboxes,” warned local teacher and part-time conspiracy theorist, Ms. Linda “The Phone Whisperer” Johnson. “I can already see it: ‘Hey, wanna trade a Twinkie for a Snapchat?’”
As these laws roll out across the nation, one thing is clear: the battle against cellphone use in schools is far from over. And if nothing else, it’s providing endless material for future TikTok videos.
