**Elon Musk Steps Back from Politics Following Unsuccessful Investment: “I’ll Stick to Rockets and Tweets”**
In a shocking turn of events, tech mogul and self-proclaimed “Intergalactic Overlord” Elon Musk has announced he is stepping back from the political arena after his latest investment in a “futuristic hoverboard for politicians” flopped harder than a lead balloon at a helium convention. The hoverboard, which was supposed to revolutionize political debates by allowing candidates to glide effortlessly across the stage, instead resulted in a series of embarrassing wipeouts and a minor incident involving Senator Betty Blunderbuss and a hot dog stand.
“I thought it would be a hit,” Musk lamented in a press conference held in front of a giant inflatable rocket. “But apparently, politicians prefer to walk awkwardly and shout at each other rather than hover gracefully. Who knew?”
Sources close to Musk revealed that he had high hopes for the hoverboard, even going so far as to name it the “Electro-Glide 3000.” “I mean, who wouldn’t want to see Congress members zooming around like they’re in a sci-fi movie?” said his assistant, Timmy “The Techie” Thompson. “But instead, we just got a bunch of politicians falling on their faces. Literally.”
Musk’s foray into politics began when he tweeted, “I’m running for President of Mars!” which was met with a mix of confusion and excitement. However, after realizing that Mars doesn’t have a government (or a population, for that matter), he pivoted to investing in political gadgets. “I thought I could make politics fun again,” he said, “but it turns out, they prefer their debates with a side of awkward silence and a sprinkle of finger-pointing.”
In a final attempt to salvage his political aspirations, Musk announced plans to launch a new line of “Politician-Proof” hoverboards, equipped with safety features like bubble wrap and a built-in snack dispenser. “If they’re going to fall, they might as well enjoy some chips while they do it,” he quipped.
As Musk retreats from the political spotlight, he plans to focus on what he does best: sending rockets to space and tweeting about how he’s going to colonize the moon. “I’ll leave the politics to the professionals,” he concluded, “and by professionals, I mean anyone who can stay upright on two feet.”
