**Columbia Graduation Disrupted as Students Demand ‘Free Mahmoud’**
In a shocking turn of events, Columbia University’s graduation ceremony was brought to a standstill this past weekend as students rallied behind a cause that left everyone scratching their heads: “Free Mahmoud.” Who is Mahmoud, you ask? Well, nobody seems to know, but that didn’t stop the students from chanting his name like he was the next big pop star.
As the graduates donned their caps and gowns, a group of approximately 300 students stormed the stage, waving signs that read “Free Mahmoud” and “Justice for Mahmoud!” One student, who identified himself as “Dave the Unemployed Philosopher,” declared, “We demand answers! Who is Mahmoud? Is he a political prisoner? A lost puppy? A really good sandwich? We need to know!”
The university administration attempted to calm the situation by offering free pizza to the protesters, but this only escalated the chaos. “We don’t want your pizza! We want Mahmoud!” shouted senior Sarah “I’m Not a Conspiracy Theorist” Johnson, who later admitted she had no idea who Mahmoud was but was “really into the whole free thing.”
Meanwhile, the graduation speaker, renowned author and part-time magician J.K. Rowling, tried to regain control of the ceremony by performing a few tricks. “Abracadabra! I now pronounce you graduates!” she exclaimed, but the crowd was too busy chanting “Free Mahmoud!” to notice.
As the ceremony dragged on, a mysterious figure in a trench coat appeared, claiming to be Mahmoud himself. “I’m just here for the free pizza,” he said, before disappearing into the crowd. The students cheered, convinced they had finally found their hero.
In the end, the graduation was postponed indefinitely, with the university promising to investigate the whereabouts of Mahmoud. As for the graduates, they left with their diplomas in hand and a newfound sense of purpose: to find Mahmoud, wherever he may be.
