**Inmate Threats Reported During Orleans Parish Escape Incident: “I’ll Take Your Lunch Money!” Claims One Escaped Felon**
In a shocking turn of events, the Orleans Parish Jail has reported a series of bizarre threats made by inmates during a recent escape incident that has left authorities scratching their heads and the public in stitches. Eyewitnesses claim that as the inmates made their daring dash for freedom, they shouted threats that were more comical than menacing.
“I heard one guy yell, ‘I’ll take your lunch money!’” said local resident and self-proclaimed jail expert, Bob “The Bouncer” McGee. “I mean, what are they going to do? Steal your peanut butter and jelly sandwich?”
The escape, which involved a daring leap over a fence that was only slightly taller than a toddler, has been described as “the most entertaining thing to happen in New Orleans since the last Mardi Gras.” Inmates reportedly shouted threats like, “I’ll tell your mom you’re a bad cook!” and “I’ll post your embarrassing high school photos on Instagram!”
One inmate, who identified himself as “Big Tony,” was overheard saying, “If I don’t get out of here, I’m going to start a petition for more pizza nights!” Meanwhile, another escapee, known as “Squeaky Clean,” threatened to “never return to the gym” if he wasn’t released immediately.
Authorities are now on high alert, not just for the escapees, but for the potential of a new wave of “inmate-inspired” threats. “We’re taking this very seriously,” said Sheriff Joe “The Jester” Johnson. “We can’t have inmates running around threatening to ruin people’s lunch breaks. That’s just unacceptable!”
As the manhunt continues, local businesses are preparing for the worst. “I’ve already put up a sign that says ‘No Lunch Money Accepted,’” said Sally’s Sandwich Shop owner, Sally “The Sandwich Slayer” Thompson. “I’m not taking any chances!”
In the meantime, Orleans Parish officials are urging the public to remain calm and to report any suspicious activity, especially if it involves someone trying to barter for a sandwich with a side of threats.
