**GOP Senators Demand DOD Oversight to Investigate Milley: “We Just Want to Know If He Can Cook!”**
In a shocking turn of events that has left the nation scratching its collective head, a group of GOP Senators has officially urged the Department of Defense to launch an investigation into former Joint Chiefs Chairman Mark Milley. The Senators claim they are concerned about “serious allegations” surrounding Milley’s tenure, including his alleged ability to make a mean lasagna.
Senator Chuck “The Spatula” McGriddle stated, “We need to know if Milley’s culinary skills are as questionable as his military decisions. If he can’t even boil water without a strategic plan, how can we trust him with our national security?”
The Senators are particularly interested in Milley’s rumored secret recipe for “Operation Pasta,” which allegedly involves a complex series of steps that include sautéing onions while simultaneously negotiating peace treaties. “It’s a lot like diplomacy,” said Senator Betty “Basil” Oregano. “You throw in a little spice, and suddenly everyone’s at the table!”
Meanwhile, Milley has responded to the allegations with a statement that has left many baffled: “I can assure you, my lasagna is not the issue here. It’s my ability to make a mean garlic bread that’s really under scrutiny.”
As the investigation unfolds, the GOP Senators have promised to hold a series of hearings titled “Milley’s Meals: A Culinary Catastrophe?” featuring expert witnesses like Chef Gordon Ramsay and a talking tomato named Sir Veggie.
In the meantime, Milley has taken to social media to share his cooking tips, stating, “If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. But if you can, please send me your best lasagna recipes. I’m going to need them!”
As the nation waits with bated breath for the results of this high-stakes culinary inquiry, one thing is clear: the only thing more heated than the debate over Milley’s cooking is the oven he’s using to bake it!
