**DOJ References Bodycam Footage in Charges Against House Democrat McIver: A Comedy of Errors**
In a plot twist that could only be scripted by a team of caffeinated monkeys, the Department of Justice has unveiled charges against House Democrat McIver, citing bodycam footage that has left the nation both bewildered and in stitches. The footage, which reportedly shows McIver attempting to “negotiate” with a vending machine, has become the stuff of legend.
According to sources, the bodycam footage captures McIver passionately arguing with the machine, insisting that it “owes him a snack” after he “voted for the infrastructure bill.” Witnesses claim they heard him shout, “I’m a congressman! You can’t just eat my quarters like that!” before dramatically collapsing to the floor in a fit of snack-related despair.
“Honestly, I thought he was just trying to get a bag of chips,” said fellow congressman and vending machine enthusiast, Bob “Snack Attack” Johnson. “But then he started waving his arms like he was conducting an orchestra. It was mesmerizing.”
The DOJ has since released a statement, claiming that the footage is “crucial evidence” in their case against McIver. “We’ve seen some wild things in our time,” said DOJ spokesperson Linda “Not a Robot” Smith. “But a congressman arguing with a vending machine? That’s a first. We’re still trying to figure out how he managed to get a bodycam in the first place.”
As the nation waits with bated breath for the trial, McIver has taken to social media, posting a video of himself attempting to negotiate with a different vending machine, this time in a grocery store. “I’m just trying to get my snacks, America!” he declared, while the machine ominously beeped in response.
In a shocking twist, the vending machine has since hired a lawyer, claiming it was “emotionally distressed” by the encounter. “I just wanted to dispense snacks, not get dragged into a political scandal,” it reportedly said through its attorney, who is currently seeking damages in the form of a lifetime supply of Doritos.
As the saga unfolds, one thing is clear: in the world of politics, sometimes the biggest scandals come from the smallest machines. Stay tuned for updates on this deliciously absurd case!
