**Pam Bondi Rallies Behind Laurel Libby’s Supreme Court Appeal: “Trans Athletes Are Just Too Fast!”**
In a shocking twist that has left the political world reeling, former Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi has thrown her support behind Laurel Libby, the beleaguered state representative currently appealing her censure for comments about trans athletes. Bondi, known for her staunch positions on various issues, declared, “If we can’t let our kids run faster than the speed of light, what’s the point of sports?”
Libby, who recently suggested that trans athletes might be “powered by unicorn magic,” was censured after her comments sparked outrage and confusion. “I thought we were just talking about sports, not a Disney movie!” she exclaimed in a press conference, flanked by a bewildered-looking llama named Larry, who she claimed was her “emotional support animal for this emotional support issue.”
Bondi, in a rare moment of clarity, stated, “Laurel is just trying to protect our children from the dangers of being outpaced by someone who might have had a little too much kale in their diet.” She then added, “I mean, have you seen how fast they run? It’s like they’re being chased by a pack of rabid squirrels!”
In a bizarre twist, Libby’s appeal is being supported by a coalition of local gym teachers and a group of retired track stars who claim they were once “outpaced by a cheetah.” One of them, who wished to remain anonymous, said, “If we let trans athletes compete, what’s next? Allowing cats to join the Olympics? I can’t have my gold medal taken by a feline!”
As the Supreme Court prepares to hear the case, Bondi has promised to rally support with a bake sale featuring “Trans-Parent Cookies” and “Gender Fluid Brownies.” “We’re just trying to raise awareness and funds,” she said, “and maybe a little bit of confusion.”
In the meantime, Libby is reportedly working on a new slogan: “Faster than a speeding bullet, but only if you’re not trans!” Stay tuned for more updates as this story develops—because if there’s one thing we can count on, it’s that politics will always be a race to the bottom!
