**Maryland’s First Black Governor Rejects Reparations Bill, Frustrating Democratic Allies**
In a shocking twist that has left political analysts scratching their heads and scratching their backs, Maryland’s first Black governor, Marvin “The Unbothered” Jenkins, has officially rejected a reparations bill that had Democrats dreaming of a new era of social justice. Instead, Jenkins has proposed a new initiative: “Free Crabs for All,” which he claims will “bring the community together over a bushel of deliciousness.”
“I thought we were going to get reparations, not a seafood buffet!” exclaimed state senator Linda “Lobster” McCracken, who was seen clutching a crab mallet in disbelief. “I mean, I love crabs, but I was hoping for something a little more… you know, reparative?”
In a press conference that felt more like a stand-up comedy routine, Jenkins stated, “Listen, folks, I’m all for reparations, but have you ever tried Old Bay seasoning? It’s the real treasure of Maryland! Plus, who needs cash when you can have crabs? They’re like little oceanic hugs!”
Democratic allies were quick to express their frustration. “I can’t believe we traded a chance at reparations for a crab feast,” lamented Representative Tim “The Claw” Johnson. “What’s next? A bill for free Natty Boh? I mean, I love beer, but I’m not sure it’s going to fix centuries of oppression!”
Meanwhile, Jenkins has been spotted at local crab shacks, shaking hands and handing out bibs that read, “Crabs Over Cash.” When asked about the backlash, he simply shrugged and said, “You can’t eat money, but you can definitely eat crabs. And let’s be honest, they’re way more fun to crack open!”
As the state gears up for a summer of crab feasts and political confusion, one thing is clear: Maryland’s first Black governor may have just turned the political landscape into a seafood platter. And while some may be disappointed, others are just hoping for a side of fries.
