**Texas Proposes Nation’s Toughest Social Media Restrictions for Minors: “We’re Just Trying to Save Their Souls!”**
In a bold move that has left the nation scratching its head and rolling on the floor laughing, Texas lawmakers have proposed the toughest social media restrictions for minors in the United States. The new legislation, dubbed the “Y’all Ain’t Posting That” bill, aims to protect the youth from the perils of TikTok dances and Instagram selfies that could lead to “excessive eye-rolling” and “uncontrollable cringe.”
State Senator Buck “No Filter” McGraw, who spearheaded the bill, stated, “We’re just trying to save their souls! If I have to watch one more 12-year-old lip-syncing to a song I can’t even pronounce, I might just lose my cowboy hat!” The proposed law would require minors to submit their social media posts for approval by a panel of local grandmothers, who will judge content based on “wholesomeness” and “how many times it makes them want to bake cookies.”
Critics of the bill, including local teenager and self-proclaimed TikTok influencer, Jessica “The Dance Machine” Johnson, expressed their outrage. “This is an attack on my right to embarrass myself in public! What’s next? A ban on avocado toast?” she exclaimed while attempting to film a dance challenge in front of a confused cow.
In a surprising twist, the bill also includes a provision that allows parents to monitor their children’s social media activity through a new app called “Texan Spy.” The app promises to alert parents whenever their child attempts to post anything remotely fun, with notifications like “Warning: Your child is about to post a meme. Act fast!”
As the bill moves forward, many are left wondering if Texas is truly trying to protect its youth or if they just want to keep the state’s reputation as the land of big hats and bigger laughs. One thing is for sure: if this bill passes, the only thing kids will be posting is their resignation to a life of boredom—and maybe a few more pictures of cows.
