**WHO Kicks Off Annual Assembly Amidst ‘Existential Crisis’ Challenges**
GENEVA—In a scene reminiscent of a high school reunion where everyone pretends to be doing great, the World Health Organization (WHO) kicked off its annual assembly this week, grappling with an existential crisis that has left delegates questioning not just global health, but also their life choices.
“Honestly, I thought I’d be sipping piña coladas on a beach by now, not debating whether we should be worried about the next pandemic or the next season of ‘The Bachelor,’” lamented Dr. Phil McCracken, a delegate from the fictional nation of Healthtopia. “I mean, can’t we just agree that the real crisis is the lack of good snacks at these meetings?”
As delegates gathered in the plush conference hall, the mood was as light as a feather—if that feather were also experiencing a midlife crisis. “We’re here to discuss serious issues,” said WHO Director-General Dr. Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus, “but let’s be real: the only thing more contagious than a virus is my existential dread.”
The assembly featured a series of workshops, including “How to Cope When Your Job is Literally to Prevent the Apocalypse” and “Zoom Fatigue: The Silent Killer.” Attendees were also treated to a surprise guest appearance by motivational speaker and self-proclaimed “Crisis Guru” Gary Gloom, who advised, “When life gives you lemons, just remember: they’re probably infected.”
In a shocking twist, the assembly concluded with a unanimous vote to replace the traditional “World Health Day” with “World Health Crisis Awareness Day,” which will be celebrated annually on the first Monday of every month. “It’s like a holiday, but with more anxiety,” quipped delegate and part-time comedian, Sally Sighs.
As the assembly wrapped up, delegates left with a renewed sense of purpose—or at least a better understanding of how to make small talk about their impending doom. “At least we can all agree on one thing,” said Dr. McCracken, “the real pandemic is the lack of good coffee in this place.”
And with that, the WHO assembly adjourned, leaving the world to wonder if they’d ever find a cure for their collective existential crisis—or at least a decent cup of joe.
