**Newark Airport Issues Measles Exposure Alert, Officials Recommend Vaccination: “Just Another Day in the Terminal”**
In a shocking turn of events that has left travelers scratching their heads and checking their vaccination cards, Newark Liberty International Airport has issued a measles exposure alert. Officials are recommending that anyone who passed through the airport in the last week consider getting vaccinated, or at the very least, avoid licking any handrails.
“Honestly, I thought the only thing I’d catch at Newark was a flight delay,” said frequent flyer and self-proclaimed germaphobe, Linda “Hand-Sanitizer” Thompson. “Now I have to worry about measles? I can’t even remember the last time I had a good old-fashioned flu!”
The alert comes after a traveler, who has since been identified as “Patient Zero” (real name: Bob “I Love Airplane Food” Johnson), was found to have the highly contagious disease. Bob was last seen enjoying a lukewarm cup of coffee while discussing the merits of window seats with a fellow passenger. “I just wanted to spread some joy, not measles!” he exclaimed, clearly misunderstanding the concept of “sharing.”
Airport officials are now recommending that all travelers get vaccinated before boarding their flights. “We’re not saying you need to be a superhero, but if you could at least be immune to measles, that would be great,” said Dr. Sarah “Not a Real Doctor” McGee, who was seen handing out lollipops and pamphlets in the terminal.
In a bizarre twist, the airport has also announced a new “Measles-Free Zone” in Terminal C, where travelers can enjoy a measles-free experience while sipping overpriced lattes and contemplating life choices. “It’s like a VIP lounge, but for people who don’t want to risk a rash,” said airport spokesperson Chuck “I’m Just Here for the Snacks” Williams.
As travelers continue to flock to Newark, one thing is clear: the only thing more contagious than measles is the excitement of flying. So, if you’re planning a trip, remember to pack your bags, your sense of humor, and maybe a few extra vaccines—just in case.
