**Louisiana Governor Criticizes ‘Progressive Promises’ Following New Orleans Jail Break: “I Thought We Were Just Promising Free Beignets!”**
In a shocking turn of events that has left the state of Louisiana reeling, Governor John Bel Edwards has publicly criticized the so-called “progressive promises” after a recent jailbreak at the New Orleans Correctional Facility. The incident, which saw a group of inmates escape using nothing but a spoon and a questionable TikTok dance, has sparked a wave of laughter and confusion across the state.
“Listen, I’m all for progressive policies,” Edwards said at a press conference, “but I thought we were just promising free beignets and jazz hands, not free criminals!” He then proceeded to demonstrate his own version of the TikTok dance, which he dubbed the “Governor’s Shuffle,” but it was met with mixed reviews and a few concerned looks from his staff.
Local resident and self-proclaimed “Jailbreak Expert” Cletus McGee chimed in, “I mean, if they can escape with a spoon, I’m pretty sure my Aunt Betty could break out of there with a half-eaten po’ boy!”
Meanwhile, the escapees have reportedly formed a new band called “The Runaway Convicts,” and are currently auditioning for a reality show titled “America’s Next Top Fugitive.” One of the escapees, who goes by the name “Slick Rick,” stated, “We just wanted to see the world! And maybe grab some gumbo while we’re at it.”
As the state grapples with the fallout, Edwards has vowed to tighten security at the prison, promising to replace spoons with forks and to install a new “No Dancing” policy. “We can’t have our inmates getting any ideas,” he declared, “unless it’s the idea to come back for more beignets!”
In the meantime, the state is left wondering if they should be more concerned about the jailbreak or the fact that their governor is now a viral dance sensation. Only time will tell if Louisiana can recover from this progressive promise gone awry, but one thing is for sure: the beignets are still on the table.
