In a shocking turn of events, it has been revealed that a top FDA vaccine official has been restricting COVID vaccine approvals against the advice of the agency. This official, who shall remain nameless for legal reasons (but let’s just call him Dr. Stickler), has reportedly been single-handedly blocking the approval of potentially life-saving vaccines because they “didn’t meet his high standards.”
When asked for a comment, Dr. Stickler responded with the following gem: “I have a very discriminating palate when it comes to vaccines. If it doesn’t make my taste buds tingle, it’s not getting approved. Simple as that.”
His colleagues at the FDA were left scratching their heads at Dr. Stickler’s bizarre behavior. One anonymous source said, “We’ve tried everything to convince him to approve these vaccines, but he’s like a dog with a bone. A very stubborn, bone-headed dog.”
Meanwhile, the public is left wondering why Dr. Stickler is allowed to hold so much power over vaccine approvals. Another fake quote from a concerned citizen reads, “I don’t know who this Dr. Stickler thinks he is, but he’s playing with people’s lives here. It’s not a game of vaccine roulette, buddy!”
In a twist that no one saw coming, it turns out that Dr. Stickler’s real reason for blocking these vaccines is because he has a side hustle selling his own homemade “Dr. Stickler Special Elixir” on the black market. When asked for a comment, Dr. Stickler defended his actions by saying, “Hey, a man’s gotta make a living somehow. And if that means sabotaging potential life-saving vaccines, so be it.”
As the investigation into Dr. Stickler’s shady dealings continues, one thing is for certain: this FDA vaccine official has truly jumped off the deep end. Let’s just hope that his reign of vaccine tyranny comes to an end before it’s too late.
