In a shocking turn of events, Los Angeles officials have charged over 40 anti-ICE protesters for allegedly assaulting officers, horses, and even threatening a child during a recent demonstration. The protesters, who were rallying against ICE’s controversial immigration policies, reportedly crossed the line when they started getting physical with law enforcement and their trusty steeds.
One officer, who wished to remain anonymous, recounted the chaos that ensued during the protest. “I’ve never seen anything like it. These protesters were out of control, throwing punches left and right. They even tried to grab my horse’s reins! It was like something out of a Wild West movie, except with a lot more avocado toast.”
The child who was allegedly threatened by the protesters, little Timmy Johnson, had this to say about the incident: “I was just trying to sell my lemonade stand and these crazy people started yelling at me. They said they were going to deport me to Canada! I didn’t even know that was possible.”
One of the protesters, a self-proclaimed “freedom fighter” named Karen McHippie, defended her actions by stating, “We were just trying to make a statement against the oppressive ICE regime. If that means throwing a few punches and scaring a child, then so be it. The revolution stops for no one, not even tiny Timmy.”
In response to the charges, the protesters have banded together to form a new organization called “Punching for Peace.” Their mission statement reads, “We believe in using our fists for justice and our voices for change. If you stand in our way, be prepared to catch these hands.”
While the legal battle rages on, one thing is for certain: the anti-ICE protesters have certainly made a name for themselves in the world of activism. Whether that name is one of heroism or hooliganism remains to be seen, but one thing is for sure – they certainly know how to make a splash. So stay tuned for more updates on this wild and wacky story, brought to you by your favorite source of satire news on the web.
