Trump Vows Massie Will Be ‘History’ as ‘Bigly Bill’ Triumphs Over Final Hurdles

In a shocking turn of events, President Donald Trump has declared that Congressman Thomas Massie is “gonna be history” as the “big, beautiful bill” jumps its final hurdles to passage. The bill in question, which aims to provide relief to Americans during the ongoing pandemic, has faced delays and obstacles, but it seems that it is finally on the brink of becoming law.

In a series of tweets, Trump lambasted Massie for his attempts to block the bill, calling him a “loser” and a “total disaster.” Trump even went so far as to say, “Massie is a total joke. Nobody likes him, nobody wants him around. He’s gonna be history.”

When reached for comment, Massie responded with his trademark wit, saying, “I may be history, but at least I’ll be in the same books as George Washington and Abraham Lincoln.”

Meanwhile, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi chimed in, saying, “It’s about time this bill passed. We’ve been waiting for so long, I started knitting a sweater to pass the time.”

In a surprising twist, Vice President Mike Pence revealed that he had actually been the one holding up the bill all along. “I just wanted to see how long it would take for everyone to notice,” Pence said with a sly grin.

As the bill finally made its way through Congress, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell was overheard saying, “I can’t believe we actually got something done. I might have to sit down for a minute and catch my breath.”

In the end, the bill passed with overwhelming support, much to the relief of the American people. Trump, never one to miss a chance for self-promotion, declared victory, saying, “I am the greatest dealmaker in history. Nobody does deals like me. This bill is tremendous, just like me.”

With the bill set to become law, it seems that the drama surrounding its passage is finally coming to an end. As for Massie, well, he may be “history” as Trump predicted, but at least he can say he made a splash in the world of politics. And who knows, maybe he’ll have a future as a stand-up comedian.

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