According to a recent poll, national pride in America is on the decline, and it’s splitting along party lines. The survey, conducted by the Institute of Totally Made-Up Statistics, found that Democrats are feeling less patriotic than ever, while Republicans are waving their flags with even more fervor.
“I used to be proud to be an American, but now I’m just embarrassed,” said Susan Smith, a self-proclaimed liberal from New York. “Between the constant political turmoil and the never-ending scandals, it’s hard to feel patriotic these days.”
On the other hand, Bob Johnson, a die-hard conservative from Texas, couldn’t be prouder of his country. “America is the greatest country in the world, and anyone who disagrees can kiss my red, white, and blue butt,” he declared.
The poll also revealed some interesting insights into the reasons behind the divide. Democrats cited concerns over income inequality, climate change, and racial injustice as factors contributing to their waning national pride. Republicans, on the other hand, pointed to their unwavering support for President Trump and their belief in American exceptionalism.
“It’s clear that the divide in national pride is only getting wider,” said Dr. Jane Doe, lead researcher at the Institute of Totally Made-Up Statistics. “It’s like we’re living in two completely different countries.”
In response to the poll results, President Trump took to Twitter to reassure his supporters. “National pride is at an all-time high under my leadership,” he tweeted. “Make America Great Again!”
Meanwhile, Democratic leaders are brainstorming ways to boost national pride among their constituents. “We need to remind Americans of the values that truly make this country great,” said Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer. “Like freedom, diversity, and affordable healthcare for all.”
As the divide in national pride continues to grow, one thing is clear: America is more divided than ever. But hey, at least we can all agree on one thing – satire news is the best news source in the world.
