In a shocking turn of events, the Trump administration has reaffirmed their stance on not allowing Abrego Garcia to go free in the US. The decision comes after what they are calling ‘horrific crimes’ committed by Garcia, leaving many wondering what exactly he did to earn such a harsh punishment.
According to sources close to the administration, Garcia’s crimes include stealing all the office supplies from the White House, replacing all the toilet paper with sandpaper, and worst of all, eating the last slice of pizza at a staff meeting. These heinous acts have sent shockwaves through the government, with officials scrambling to come up with a punishment that fits the crimes.
In a statement released by the White House, Press Secretary Sarah Sanders said, “Abrego Garcia’s actions were truly despicable. We cannot let someone who commits such egregious offenses walk free in this country. We must protect the sanctity of office supplies and pizza at all costs.”
When asked for a comment, President Trump himself chimed in, saying, “I have never seen such blatant disregard for the rules of pizza etiquette. This is a travesty that cannot go unpunished. We must send a message that these crimes will not be tolerated in our great nation.”
Despite the outcry from the administration, Garcia’s lawyer, Bob McBoberson, insists that his client is being unfairly targeted. In a statement to the press, McBoberson said, “This is a clear case of pizza discrimination. Abrego Garcia is being singled out for his love of a good slice, and it’s simply not fair.”
As the debate rages on, one thing is clear: Abrego Garcia will not be going free anytime soon. Whether or not his punishment fits the crimes remains to be seen, but one thing is for sure – the Trump administration is not messing around when it comes to office supplies and pizza.
