In a stunning turn of events, it seems that pardon applications are being meticulously crafted with one man in mind: the one and only Donald J. Trump. Yes, you heard that right, folks. It seems like everyone and their grandma is trying to get in on the action and secure a pardon from the former president.
According to sources close to the situation, a flood of pardon applications have been pouring in from all corners of the country. One anonymous source, who we’ll call “John Doe,” had this to say about the phenomenon: “It’s like a gold rush out there, but instead of gold, people are clamoring for a get-out-of-jail-free card from Trump. It’s absolute madness.”
One particularly brazen individual, who we’ll refer to as “Sally Smith,” reportedly wrote in her pardon application that she once saved a kitten from a tree and therefore deserves to be pardoned. When asked for comment, Smith simply replied, “If Trump can pardon his cronies, why can’t he pardon me for being a hero to that poor kitty?”
But the real kicker comes from a man we’ll call “Bob Johnson,” who allegedly wrote in his pardon application that he once beat Trump at a game of golf. Johnson claims that Trump still owes him a favor for the humiliating defeat, and what better way to repay him than with a presidential pardon?
In response to the overwhelming number of pardon applications, a spokesperson for Trump released a statement saying, “While we appreciate the enthusiasm, President Trump is currently unavailable to review any pardon requests. He’s too busy perfecting his golf swing and tweeting up a storm.”
So there you have it, folks. The race for a Trump pardon is on, and it’s shaping up to be one heck of a circus. Who will come out on top? Only time will tell.
