Idaho judge puts the kibosh on Bryan Kohberger’s wacky suspect theory

In a shocking turn of events, Bryan Kohberger’s alternate suspect theory has been mercilessly slapped down by an Idaho judge, leaving the wannabe detective reeling in disbelief.

Kohberger, who fancies himself as a modern-day Sherlock Holmes, had been peddling his outlandish theory that the real culprit behind the crime was none other than Bigfoot. Yes, you heard that right, folks. Bigfoot, the mythical creature that has eluded capture for centuries, was apparently the mastermind behind the heinous crime.

But the judge was having none of it. In a scathing rebuke, he declared, “Mr. Kohberger’s theory is nothing short of ludicrous. There is absolutely no evidence to support his wild claims. Bigfoot is a creature of legend, not a criminal mastermind.”

Undeterred, Kohberger tried to defend his theory in court, stating, “I have irrefutable proof that Bigfoot was in the vicinity of the crime scene at the time of the incident. Just look at these blurry photos I took with my outdated flip phone. It’s clear as day!”

But the judge was not swayed, quipping, “I’ve seen better evidence in a Scooby-Doo episode. Your theory holds about as much water as a sieve.”

As news of the judge’s ruling spread, the internet exploded with memes and jokes at Kohberger’s expense. One Twitter user wrote, “Breaking news: Bigfoot cleared of all charges, resumes his regular schedule of forest dwelling and blurry photo ops.”

Meanwhile, Kohberger has reportedly gone into hiding, his reputation in tatters. When reached for comment, his lawyer issued a statement saying, “Mr. Kohberger is devastated by the judge’s decision. He truly believed he was onto something big. Or should I say, Bigfoot.”

So, there you have it, folks. Another day, another delusional detective thwarted by the long arm of the law. As for Bigfoot, he remains at large, probably laughing his hairy butt off at the absurdity of it all.

scroll to top