Philadelphia, PA – In a shocking turn of events, Philadelphia’s schools have been accused of failing to properly inspect asbestos in their buildings. This revelation has left parents and students alike feeling a bit, well, dusty.
One concerned parent, Karen McSniffles, expressed her dismay, saying, “I can’t believe they didn’t properly inspect for asbestos. I mean, what’s next? Lead paint in the cafeteria? Mold in the gymnasium? It’s a slippery slope, I tell ya.”
In response to the accusations, Superintendent Bob McSneaky issued a statement saying, “We take these allegations very seriously and are committed to ensuring the safety and well-being of our students and staff. Rest assured, we will be conducting a thorough investigation to get to the bottom of this.”
But not everyone is buying into the school district’s promises. Local activist, Sally McSkeptical, commented, “I’ll believe it when I see it. These schools have been neglecting basic safety measures for years. I wouldn’t be surprised if they found a family of raccoons living in the boiler room next.”
In a bizarre twist, it was revealed that the school district had hired a team of trained pigeons to conduct the asbestos inspections. When asked about this unconventional method, Principal Randy McLoony defended the decision, stating, “Pigeons are highly skilled in detecting hazardous materials. Plus, they work for birdseed, so it’s a win-win for everyone.”
As the investigation unfolds, it remains to be seen what other surprises Philadelphia’s schools may have in store for us. Will they find a secret underground bunker filled with rubber chickens? Will they uncover a conspiracy involving the cafeteria’s mystery meat? Only time will tell.
In the meantime, parents are advised to pack their children’s lunch with a side of skepticism. And maybe a hazmat suit, just to be safe.
