In a shocking turn of events, Democratic Senator Bob Dole has accused top Trump official, Secretary of the Interior, John Smith, of being responsible for “hundreds of thousands of children dying.” Yes, you heard that right, apparently, Smith has been secretly running a child death camp in the basement of the Department of the Interior. Who knew that the DOI had such a dark secret?
When asked for evidence to support his claims, Senator Dole simply responded with, “I have it on good authority from my imaginary friend, Mr. Wiggles, who told me in a dream that John Smith is a child-killing monster.” Well, if Mr. Wiggles said it, it must be true, right?
Secretary Smith has vehemently denied the accusations, stating, “This is absurd! I don’t even have a basement in my office, let alone a secret child death camp. This is just another desperate attempt by the Democrats to tarnish my good name.” Sure, Smith, we believe you. Just like we believe that the moon is made of cheese.
In a bizarre twist, President Trump chimed in on the controversy, tweeting, “John Smith is a tremendous guy, doing tremendous work. The Democrats are just jealous of his tremendousness. Sad!” Well, if Trump says it’s sad, then it must be sad.
As the scandal continues to unfold, one thing is clear: the world of politics is a strange and wacky place. Who knew that a top government official could be accused of such heinous crimes based on the word of an imaginary friend? Only in America, folks.
So, the next time you hear about a government official running a secret child death camp, just remember to take it with a grain of salt. After all, in the world of politics, anything is possible. Just ask Senator Bob Dole and his trusty sidekick, Mr. Wiggles.
