In the scorching heat wave that has been baking the US, Texas postal worker Jim “Sizzle” Thompson has unfortunately become a casualty of the extreme temperatures. Thompson, known for his dedication to delivering mail rain or shine, was found passed out on the sidewalk clutching a melted ice cream cone and muttering something about the joys of air conditioning.
Thompson’s supervisor, Karen “Hot Stuff” Johnson, expressed her condolences for the loss of her beloved employee, stating, “Jim was a true mailman through and through. He always said he would deliver mail to the ends of the earth, but I guess the Texas heat was just too much for him.”
But Thompson isn’t the only postal worker to fall victim to the heat wave. Reports have also surfaced of another mail carrier, Bob “Sweaty Betty” Jenkins, collapsing in a suburban neighborhood while attempting to deliver a package. Witnesses claim Jenkins was heard exclaiming, “I’m melting like a popsicle on the Fourth of July!” before succumbing to the heat.
In response to these tragic events, the United States Postal Service has issued a statement urging all mail carriers to stay hydrated, take breaks in air-conditioned areas, and avoid wearing polyester uniforms in the blistering heat. However, their efforts may be in vain as reports of postal workers fainting left and right continue to pour in.
In a press conference held earlier today, USPS spokesperson Sally “Sunny Side Up” Johnson assured the public that they are doing everything in their power to ensure the safety of their employees. When asked about the recent deaths of Thompson and Jenkins, Johnson replied, “Well, you know what they say, neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds. But apparently, extreme heat is a different story.”
As the heat wave shows no signs of letting up, it seems the postal service may have to come up with some creative solutions to keep their workers cool and safe. Perhaps they could invest in some personal air conditioners for each carrier, or maybe start delivering mail by drone to avoid the blistering heat altogether. Whatever the solution may be, one thing is for certain – the mail must go on, even if it means braving the fiery depths of a Texas summer.
