In a shocking turn of events, 88-year-old DC House delegate, Eleanor Holmes Norton, has announced that she will not be running for re-election after all. This comes just days after her office released a statement claiming that she would be seeking another term in office.
The confusion began when Norton was overheard telling her intern, Timmy, “I’m not ready to retire just yet, I’ve still got some fight left in me!” This statement was quickly picked up by the media and reported as Norton’s intention to run for re-election. However, it seems that Norton’s office has had a change of heart.
In a new statement released by her office, Norton’s spokesperson, Karen, stated, “Due to unforeseen circumstances, Delegate Norton will not be seeking re-election. She has decided to focus on her new passion project – knitting sweaters for her cats.” When asked for further clarification, Karen added, “Eleanor is a cat lady at heart, and she feels it’s time to devote her time and energy to her feline friends.”
This sudden change of heart has left many of Norton’s supporters scratching their heads. One supporter, Martha, exclaimed, “I can’t believe Eleanor would abandon us like this! Who will fight for our rights now? The cats?!”
In response to the backlash, Norton issued a statement saying, “I may be retiring from politics, but I will always be an advocate for the people of DC. And the cats, of course.”
While Norton’s decision may come as a surprise to many, it seems that she is content with her new path. As she told reporters, “I may not be running for re-election, but I’ll always be running to the yarn store.” And with that, Norton bids farewell to the world of politics, ready to embark on her new journey as a full-time cat sweater designer.
